Blood Flows on the Mean Streets of Phnom Penh

A couple of months ago I had had accident on my newly acquired motorbike. I bought an old Daelim, which is manufactured in Korea (by the way it runs, I think in North Korea). It is a clunky old thing that was owned by a local who used it as a part time taxi. Daelims are only used by taxi-drivers in Cambodia. To make the comparison back home, it would be like buying a Yellow Cab and continue to drive around with the yellow paint work and taxi signs. I get a lot of laughs from other moto-drivers who snicker at the sight of a white fella driving a Daelim. Students at my school think there is something wrong with me. But other taxi-drivers are always interested in how much I paid for it.


Example of a Daelim being used as a school bus.

I have never driven a motorbike before coming to Cambodia (and licensing doesn't exist in this country) so I learnt just by riding on the roads in congested Phnom Penh traffic. Despite a few months of experience I am still pretty crap at it. There is no clutch on these bikes, but you do have to change gears and I get confused between the gear and brake pedal.

One night I was driving home and was looking to turn left (Note: they drive on the right here, so another difficulty for me). There was on-coming traffic and in Phnom Penh you have to be pushy to get anyway as no one will stop to let you in. After a few frustrating moments I decided to go for it when it appeared that there was a break. I didn't judge very well a bike coming towards me that was going a lot faster then the others. I hesitated and before I knew it he had t-boned me in the side of the bike. If I had been a bit more affirmative I should have kept going and he would have missed me.

He didn't hit me with any great force and only succeeded in knocking the bike over, but it landed on my leg. Despite wearing jeans, the hot exhaust pipe on the bike managed to burn a rather large hole in my calf. My most pressing concern at the time though was the crowd of locals standing around my bike and the other taxi-driver. Regardless of whose fault it may have been, in an accident if you are white "you're not in the right" (anyway it was my fault).

The crowd was expecting me to pay the other driver compensation for damage to his bike and/or person. He didn't appear very hurt and his bike looked like it had been in a few accidents anyway. Acting quicker then I did on the bike, I pulled out $10US, forked it over to the other driver and took off. Given the other times I had been ripped off by local cops or market sellers, this was pretty cheap (and a better option to a mob beating).

Getting home, I discovered a 10cm by 3 cm part of my leg missing. The exhaust pipe virtually melted the flesh away, there was no skin hanging off. Went to the chemist who pronounced 'Not very good' and gave me some anti-septic and bandages. The wound took about 3 months before it stopped pussing up and finally scabbed over. The shot below is about 2 months over the accident.

There is still a pretty mean looking scar left that I doubt will ever go away (my Cambodian tattoo) and I've discovered that this injury is very common in Phnom Penh. Once the subject is brought my you often find a number of others showing the scar on their right calf from a hot exhaust pipe.

Cambodia is fun.

Steve and Trea's Wedding

Attended the wedding of a couple of friends last February on the 15th. Trea is the office girl from the school where I did my TESOL/ESL course and the first local who befriended me on my arrival in Cambodia. She is a sweet girl who among other things has acted as tour guide, found me a place to live and a motorbike to buy (all with a minimal of commission). Steve, now her husband, is another teacher from Ireland who has taught in Phnom Penh for over two years and was won over by Trea’s charm (and similar midget height).

Cambodian weddings can take place at any time of the year, but the dry months of December to April are preferred due to the possibility that during the rainy season guests often drown and the resulting water damage to wedding gifts. They also can take place on any day of the week. Auspicious or ‘lucky’ dates are picked by elderly relatives or monks taking into account birthdays, parents being alive or dead, and when pay day occurs. The ‘olds’ and monks also decide who will be in the wedding party, where it is to be held and what is served at the reception. (Especially Interesting Authors Note: A friend who recently decided to marry a local girl was limited for choice on who could be his best man. Almost all of his friends who were suggested were considered unsuitable by the girl’s grandmother because of a range of reasons. I was asked out of desperation, but I was also ruled out because both of my parents were deceased. It was thought because I was an ‘orphan’ that it would cast a bad omen over the marriage.)

Steve and Trea’s wedding occurred on a Friday so I was unable to attend until after my classes finished at 7.30pm. The wedding officially started the day before and re-commenced at 6.00am the next day (!!!). So I was to attend the last few hours of a 36-hour wedding. The wedding ceremony is a complicated process and involves various stages through-out the day involving Buddhist traditions and ceremonies designed to bring good luck. One requirement is that the coupe change outfits (Khmer and Western) around 10 times. Given the temperature was around 30 C and 90% humidity I think is done due to the amount of sweat and stench the couple build up. At one point, the couple go to a local park around the middle of the day (brightest and hottest part of the day) in their finest to take photographs. Steve and Trea were originally around 5’9”, but melted to 5’2” while having their photos done.

The reception was held at a large restaurant/function centre in Phnom Penh to accommodate the 300 guests at the wedding. Steve had invited a number of his family and friends from Ireland and there were a number of ex-pat teachers that both Steve and Trea know. But the majority of the guests were Trea’s relatives. The term ‘relative’ in Cambodia is fairly loose as almost anyone can be a ‘cousin’ or ‘uncle’ despite having no actual blood relationship. This fact, that so many people are referred to as ‘family members’, and there expected to be invited to a wedding, may have to do with the traditional wedding gift in Cambodia: Yankee dollars.

When you are invited to a wedding here your are provided with an elaborate invitation giving the details of the date, venue etc contained in an equally elaborate envelope that has the guests name printed on it. It is expected that you return the envelope at the reception stuffed with cash. As you enter the reception there is a table manned by a bloke who looks like a bookie’s bagman in front of a huge ledger furiously scribbling away. This guy is the ‘wedding accountant’ who takes the returned envelope and records the guests name, the amount contained in the envelope, and whether it is in US or Cambodian currency (as both are legal tender in Cambodia, but the exchange rate on the US dollars can vary). Supervising the accountant is the father of the bride, in this case Trea’s policeman dad. I was advised that as I was a friend only but a foreigner that $10-$20 was an appropriate amount to give. I chose to give $10 much to the obvious disappointment of Captain Daddy who I suspected may have been packing his service revolver at the wedding. It is dangerous for family members who chose to be tight with their gift as the Scrooge-like amount will be similarly given at any wedding they are likely to have. It is a death wish of anyone who gives a lower amount after they have received a larger amount from the bride’s family.

I attended with Samantha, an English teacher who shares the apartment beneath me. After making it through alive past the accountant, we were met by Annie (sister of Trea and known famously in this blog as having a weak stomach) and boyfriend Ryan. Annie took Sam and I past all the other foreigners in the room and sat us down with some of her family (or pseudo-family) members, none of whom could speak English. Guests at Cambodian weddings aren’t seated in complex settings based on family or social relationships, but in the order in which you arrive because the food (all courses) are served at one table at a time. So sitting at a table where others were already sitting means you may miss out on the food (need to get my $10 worth).

Having tucked into the dinner provided (surprisingly, rice and an assortment of noodles…again), Trea came and visited Samantha and me at our table. At this stage she had been going 14 hours in dress and make up and was feeling a bit weary. Khmer girls love whacking on the make-up at weddings and Trea was no exception. Though she did look very beautiful, I think she does much prettier without (should she ever read this she is going to kill me…). Below is a photo of me, Trea and Sam (and half of an ‘uncle’ who insisted that I eat every noodle dish that came into sight). Next is an earlier photo of Trea at New Year’s hopefully to explain somewhat better then I have in words.

Girls ‘frocking’ up is not particular to Cambodia, but the girls here do go to town. A lot of Trea’s friends at the wedding who I have known for a while now surprised me by how different they looked. Normally in jeans and t-shirts, the girls dolled themselves up with varying results. Some close to a Lady Diana, others closer to a Dame Edna Everage. Below are some of the girls from Howie’s (Trea used to work at Howie’s). In order: Chea, Lek, Thea, and Annie (with, in most, by the tallest of the Seven Dwarfs: Dopey).

After eating, the band struck up playing Khmer traditional and pop songs (I think…) where some of the guests got up to boogie Khmer-style. This is dancing in a slow-moving circle doing Aspara hand movements (where you curl your hands in a rotating fashion over and over again) which looks like a local version of line dancing. Couples’ dancing is still frowned on in Cambodian society because of the close contact, so only the Bridal Waltz for the benefit of the Irish side of the wedding was allowed. Still, in most cases only girls danced with only other girls.

After the reception, the Irish contingent of the wedding and other foreigners moved onto an Irish bar called Rory’s to continue the celebration with the bride and groom. Steve and Trea had been going for almost 18 hours plus the previous day’s efforts, but were still keen to keep their special day going. Steve’s family opened the bar which most people indulged in despite the flow of alcohol provided at the wedding. Samantha, as seen below, had clearly falling into an alcoholic coma (or was being bored to death by the advances of fellow teacher, Neil).

If enough booze hadn’t been consumed, around 2.00am the remaining guests moved onto everyone’s favorite watering hole, Howies. Most of the girls who were guests at the wedding had to leave the reception around 10.00pm to go and work there. After having dressed up in their best, they had to head to the bar and don their work uniform and start serving customers. Still sporting make-up and hair-dos, they had to be the most glamorous bar staff in South East Asia (and in some instances, the drunkest). I was a little ‘emotional drained’ myself and let my guard down when someone stole my camera. Final shot is the rock-star ‘No photos’ maneuver from my collection of modeling poses.



Bed was reached around 4am or 5am and the next day I awoke fully dressed and drenched in sweat. I had failed to undress or open the windows and turn the fan on. Irish/Cambodian weddings are very dangerous propositions for one’s liver, but I hope that it was a fitting beginning for Steve and Trea’s happy life together.

Fin.

Crimewave in Sihanoukville

Went to the beach at the seaside resort town of Sihanounkville last weekend. While sitting on the beach enjoying the sun, was attacked by three 10-year olds who stole my mobile phone. I only survived by pretending to be asleep for 2 hours.

Was forewarned about taking valuables to the beach as there is a lot of theft. Though immediate action by the Royal Cambodian Police Force has taken place ("I not speak English"), I doubt I shall see the return of my Samsung d-500 anytime soon.

IMPORTANT NOTE WITH NO HINT OF SARCASM

With the loss of the phone, I have lost all my numbers in particular from home. Anyone with any sort of emoptional connection to me please email me their number (tonycarr72@gmail.com), sms me to (+ 85 592 337 601) or leave a comment on this blog.

Thanks

Postal Address

If you are unaware I have a local PO box for mail to be sent to. It is housed at the Main Post Office (in fact the only post office in Phnom Penh). Should you wish to send me a letter, postcard or a box of Arnotts Savoury Shapes please do to:


PO Box 1602
Phnom Penh
Cambodia

Cheers

Phnom Penh Post Office


Further things I desire.....


Savoury Shapes


Vegemite



Carlton Draught



Saladas


Quarter Pounder



Cheezels


Collingwood Premiership

Dave's Visit to the Lake - Part 2

The lake is very nice and the setting is very peaceful as it is off the beaten path of tourists. The photo of the lake is taken from the pontoon that you sit on where they serve your food. There are about 20 little pontoons and they are connected by an old rickety walkway. Beer or the deadly Khmer wine is served here at very cheap prices (beer .50c a can and a bottle of wine costs about .40c and a 2 day head-ache). One of the highlights is watching the locals wipe themselves with cheap booze and attempt to walk along these paths without falling over or in. The only thing better is watching a foreigner attempt to walk along these paths without falling over or in.


There are no table or chairs/cushions, just a mat on the floor and the utensils to eat. One of the few dishes I like is the fish (its called 'the fish', don't bother trying to find out what type it is - pointless). Comes out on a steaming dish and served with random grass cuttings. Once you pick off the grass it is quite tasty. Eating it gets very messy, but I think that has more to do with the intoxicated state of the patrons. Below is the state we left the pontoon in.



Any visit isn't complete (and I think it has been legislated by the Cambodian National Assembly) that at least one of the dinner party at any Cambodian dinner gets absolutely blotto and then proceeds to insult and abuse their fellow diners. Below is a shot of Annette (friend of Annie) in the aftermath of one of her tirades in which she:

1. threw a full bottle of wine
2. swore violently at all in attendance
3. collapsed into the aforementioned dish of 'the fish'.



I think Dave was ok with the outburst, but then again he has been friends of the Ryland brothers for too long to be concerned with graphic violence.

It was nice seeing you Sanch.

The end.

Sanch's Visit to the Lake

David (Macca, Dave or Sanch if you prefer) dropped by Phnom Penh a couple of weeks ago and as expected proceeded to help me in ruining further my bladder, kidneys and wallet. After 3 days of showing him the sights of PP (markets, Palace, Riverside in 10 minutes. Drinking at pubs and bars 71 hrs and 50 mins), decided to take him to one of the local resturants that are by the lake. In tow were Ryan, his missus Annie and a group of her friends.

The food was local. (Please note I am increasingly making more Cambodian friends who are viewing this blog, so I have to be more diplomatic about what I say about their culture....but). Khmer food is crap. It is like very bad Thai food and despite how often I try I still haven't been able to adapt to eating it on a regular basis. Typical of what was served is shown in the picture below. Included (shit you not) is snake, spider, cockroaches and beetles of various quality (click on the photo below to get a better look).

Despite the food, the location is very nice set on the lake north of the city. Very well placed too should you wish to take a slash, throw some rubbish or throw up (which invariably happens when you eat the food). Dave did his Ray Charles impression assisted by back up singers and some girl eating a snake (trust me that last part was not a dirty joke).

David was getting a bit randy as the night wore on and started to expose himself to his fellow guests. So unusually were his lily white nipples that one of the local girls mistook it for a rare albino nut beetle and attempted to retrieve it from his shirt in a bid too eat it.

Later that night Sanch (aka.MarkRead) was seen touring the bars of PP. Here he is a local fan of Choppers bookline keen to get an autograph.

New Years Eve 2007

This New Year's Eve was my first in Cambodia and decided to join some friends who had arranged a boat to cruise the Tonle Sap River which it the main river that runs through Phnom Penh. The boat held about 20-30 people and was planned for a 3 hour tour ("the weather started getting rough, the tiny ship was tossed...."). The boat is no Queen Mary and was steered by a fella who looked suspiciously like a bloke who drives a motor-taxi around town. He steered the boat around in circles for the whole time with a steering/rudder type thing that was made out of Lego.



It was actually quite cool for Cambodia at this time of year and more so at night on the river. Most of the poor Khmers were freezing to death and wondering why they were bothering. New Year on the 1st of January is referred to here as International New Years as the country also celebrates Chinese New Year (3 day holiday) in February and Khmer New Year (4 day holiday) in April. The idea of only 1 day for a holiday is absurd to them. As you can tell by the photos below it was really going off on the boat.



Entertainment was provided by a friend of a friend who is an Australian guitar player and singer who did a lot of Johnny Cash. He was very good under the conditions and did a lot of other requested songs. No one really got up and danced, but it didn't stop one brave Khmer girl who took up the role of back-up dancer for the set's duration (I think it was his wife). Most of the revellers were more interested in drinking mainly to keep warm (20 Celsius is a blizzard in Cambodia). Most of the drinking was done around a small table that refused to remain level which confounded most of the locals as to why their drink kept tipping over ("Drink fall down. Pick drink up. Drink fall down again.")



Some noticeable celebrities that appeared at the party were (in order):

* Annie (girlfriend of house mate and fellow teacher Ryan) shown here indicating how many times her drink had fallen off the table.



* Me, Trea (terrified in the "Land of the Giants) and Ryan.



* Simon and Slek (fellow teacher and friend)



Highlight of the night was the firework display at midnight. Phnom Penh does put on a lot of firework displays for the generous amount of holidays the country has. They are always held on the river, so we had a good vantage point on the boat directly under the display. But quantity does not mean quality. The fireworks, in a word, are pissweak. By way of comparison, below is a picture of New Year's celebrations in Sydney on the water as shot by the photographer some kilometres away from the central display:



Below is a photo I took directly underneath the Phnom Penh display at the height of the explosions (the slightly less darker blur in the middle are the fireworks). Given the country's history involving ordinance and exploding things I expected somewhat better.



After the fireworks, one of the passengers aboard had a birthday (1 Jan) and a cake was brought out to celebrate (the lighting of the candles was more of a dazzling display then the previous fireworks). Cambodians love birthday cakes, but not so much for eating. The average Khmer think cakes tastes too sweet, but are perfect for use in hand to hand combat. After the candles and cutting comes the smearing of icing of anyone unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity. Below is a photo of the contestant considered the most successful in avoiding the cake standing next the person considered the least successful.

We offloaded back on the riverside at 1.00pm where further celebrations where neither recorded or remembered.

The end.