Cambodian weddings can take place at any time of the year, but the dry months of December to April are preferred due to the possibility that during the rainy season guests often drown and the resulting water damage to wedding gifts. They also can take place on any day of the week. Auspicious or ‘lucky’ dates are picked by elderly relatives or monks taking into account birthdays, parents being alive or dead, and when pay day occurs. The ‘olds’ and monks also decide who will be in the wedding party, where it is to be held and what is served at the reception. (Especially Interesting Authors Note: A friend who recently decided to marry a local girl was limited for choice on who could be his best man. Almost all of his friends who were suggested were considered unsuitable by the girl’s grandmother because of a range of reasons. I was asked out of desperation, but I was also ruled out because both of my parents were deceased. It was thought because I was an ‘orphan’ that it would cast a bad omen over the marriage.)
Steve and Trea’s wedding occurred on a Friday so I was unable to attend until after my classes finished at 7.30pm. The wedding officially started the day before and re-commenced at 6.00am the next day (!!!). So I was to attend the last few hours of a 36-hour wedding. The wedding ceremony is a complicated process and involves various stages through-out the day involving Buddhist traditions and ceremonies designed to bring good luck. One requirement is that the coupe change outfits (Khmer and Western) around 10 times. Given the temperature was around 30 C and 90% humidity I think is done due to the amount of sweat and stench the couple build up. At one point, the couple go to a local park around the middle of the day (brightest and hottest part of the day) in their finest to take photographs. Steve and Trea were originally around 5’9”, but melted to 5’2” while having their photos done.
The reception was held at a large restaurant/function centre in Phnom Penh to accommodate the 300 guests at the wedding. Steve had invited a number of his family and friends from Ireland and there were a number of ex-pat teachers that both Steve and Trea know. But the majority of the guests were Trea’s relatives. The term ‘relative’ in Cambodia is fairly loose as almost anyone can be a ‘cousin’ or ‘uncle’ despite having no actual blood relationship. This fact, that so many people are referred to as ‘family members’, and there expected to be invited to a wedding, may have to do with the traditional wedding gift in Cambodia: Yankee dollars.
When you are invited to a wedding here your are provided with an elaborate invitation giving the details of the date, venue etc contained in an equally elaborate envelope that has the guests name printed on it. It is expected that you return the envelope at the reception stuffed with cash. As you enter the reception there is a table manned by a bloke who looks like a bookie’s bagman in front of a huge ledger furiously scribbling away. This guy is the ‘wedding accountant’ who takes the returned envelope and records the guests name, the amount contained in the envelope, and whether it is in US or Cambodian currency (as both are legal tender in Cambodia, but the exchange rate on the US dollars can vary). Supervising the accountant is the father of the bride, in this case Trea’s policeman dad. I was advised that as I was a friend only but a foreigner that $10-$20 was an appropriate amount to give. I chose to give $10 much to the obvious disappointment of Captain Daddy who I suspected may have been packing his service revolver at the wedding. It is dangerous for family members who chose to be tight with their gift as the Scrooge-like amount will be similarly given at any wedding they are likely to have. It is a death wish of anyone who gives a lower amount after they have received a larger amount from the bride’s family.
I attended with Samantha, an English teacher who shares the apartment beneath me. After making it through alive past the accountant, we were met by Annie (sister of Trea and known famously in this blog as having a weak stomach) and boyfriend Ryan. Annie took Sam and I past all the other foreigners in the room and sat us down with some of her family (or pseudo-family) members, none of whom could speak English. Guests at Cambodian weddings aren’t seated in complex settings based on family or social relationships, but in the order in which you arrive because the food (all courses) are served at one table at a time. So sitting at a table where others were already sitting means you may miss out on the food (need to get my $10 worth).
Steve and Trea’s wedding occurred on a Friday so I was unable to attend until after my classes finished at 7.30pm. The wedding officially started the day before and re-commenced at 6.00am the next day (!!!). So I was to attend the last few hours of a 36-hour wedding. The wedding ceremony is a complicated process and involves various stages through-out the day involving Buddhist traditions and ceremonies designed to bring good luck. One requirement is that the coupe change outfits (Khmer and Western) around 10 times. Given the temperature was around 30 C and 90% humidity I think is done due to the amount of sweat and stench the couple build up. At one point, the couple go to a local park around the middle of the day (brightest and hottest part of the day) in their finest to take photographs. Steve and Trea were originally around 5’9”, but melted to 5’2” while having their photos done.
The reception was held at a large restaurant/function centre in Phnom Penh to accommodate the 300 guests at the wedding. Steve had invited a number of his family and friends from Ireland and there were a number of ex-pat teachers that both Steve and Trea know. But the majority of the guests were Trea’s relatives. The term ‘relative’ in Cambodia is fairly loose as almost anyone can be a ‘cousin’ or ‘uncle’ despite having no actual blood relationship. This fact, that so many people are referred to as ‘family members’, and there expected to be invited to a wedding, may have to do with the traditional wedding gift in Cambodia: Yankee dollars.
When you are invited to a wedding here your are provided with an elaborate invitation giving the details of the date, venue etc contained in an equally elaborate envelope that has the guests name printed on it. It is expected that you return the envelope at the reception stuffed with cash. As you enter the reception there is a table manned by a bloke who looks like a bookie’s bagman in front of a huge ledger furiously scribbling away. This guy is the ‘wedding accountant’ who takes the returned envelope and records the guests name, the amount contained in the envelope, and whether it is in US or Cambodian currency (as both are legal tender in Cambodia, but the exchange rate on the US dollars can vary). Supervising the accountant is the father of the bride, in this case Trea’s policeman dad. I was advised that as I was a friend only but a foreigner that $10-$20 was an appropriate amount to give. I chose to give $10 much to the obvious disappointment of Captain Daddy who I suspected may have been packing his service revolver at the wedding. It is dangerous for family members who chose to be tight with their gift as the Scrooge-like amount will be similarly given at any wedding they are likely to have. It is a death wish of anyone who gives a lower amount after they have received a larger amount from the bride’s family.
I attended with Samantha, an English teacher who shares the apartment beneath me. After making it through alive past the accountant, we were met by Annie (sister of Trea and known famously in this blog as having a weak stomach) and boyfriend Ryan. Annie took Sam and I past all the other foreigners in the room and sat us down with some of her family (or pseudo-family) members, none of whom could speak English. Guests at Cambodian weddings aren’t seated in complex settings based on family or social relationships, but in the order in which you arrive because the food (all courses) are served at one table at a time. So sitting at a table where others were already sitting means you may miss out on the food (need to get my $10 worth).
Having tucked into the dinner provided (surprisingly, rice and an assortment of noodles…again), Trea came and visited Samantha and me at our table. At this stage she had been going 14 hours in dress and make up and was feeling a bit weary. Khmer girls love whacking on the make-up at weddings and Trea was no exception. Though she did look very beautiful, I think she does much prettier without (should she ever read this she is going to kill me…). Below is a photo of me, Trea and Sam (and half of an ‘uncle’ who insisted that I eat every noodle dish that came into sight). Next is an earlier photo of Trea at New Year’s hopefully to explain somewhat better then I have in words.
Girls ‘frocking’ up is not particular to Cambodia, but the girls here do go to town. A lot of Trea’s friends at the wedding who I have known for a while now surprised me by how different they looked. Normally in jeans and t-shirts, the girls dolled themselves up with varying results. Some close to a Lady Diana, others closer to a Dame Edna Everage. Below are some of the girls from Howie’s (Trea used to work at Howie’s). In order: Chea, Lek, Thea, and Annie (with, in most, by the tallest of the Seven Dwarfs: Dopey).
After eating, the band struck up playing Khmer traditional and pop songs (I think…) where some of the guests got up to boogie Khmer-style. This is dancing in a slow-moving circle doing Aspara hand movements (where you curl your hands in a rotating fashion over and over again) which looks like a local version of line dancing. Couples’ dancing is still frowned on in Cambodian society because of the close contact, so only the Bridal Waltz for the benefit of the Irish side of the wedding was allowed. Still, in most cases only girls danced with only other girls.
After the reception, the Irish contingent of the wedding and other foreigners moved onto an Irish bar called Rory’s to continue the celebration with the bride and groom. Steve and Trea had been going for almost 18 hours plus the previous day’s efforts, but were still keen to keep their special day going. Steve’s family opened the bar which most people indulged in despite the flow of alcohol provided at the wedding. Samantha, as seen below, had clearly falling into an alcoholic coma (or was being bored to death by the advances of fellow teacher, Neil).
If enough booze hadn’t been consumed, around 2.00am the remaining guests moved onto everyone’s favorite watering hole, Howies. Most of the girls who were guests at the wedding had to leave the reception around 10.00pm to go and work there. After having dressed up in their best, they had to head to the bar and don their work uniform and start serving customers. Still sporting make-up and hair-dos, they had to be the most glamorous bar staff in South East Asia (and in some instances, the drunkest). I was a little ‘emotional drained’ myself and let my guard down when someone stole my camera. Final shot is the rock-star ‘No photos’ maneuver from my collection of modeling poses.
Bed was reached around 4am or 5am and the next day I awoke fully dressed and drenched in sweat. I had failed to undress or open the windows and turn the fan on. Irish/Cambodian weddings are very dangerous propositions for one’s liver, but I hope that it was a fitting beginning for Steve and Trea’s happy life together.
Fin.
