Bad night all round

After the excitement (and hangover) of the Thailand game, Saturday's quarter final loss against Japan was very disappointing. Game was ruined by the soft Japanese player who went down from a Vince Grella challenge (or as the WWE calls a 'clothes line') for which the Socceroos were reduced to 10 men.


Grella sending off ....................................Naohiro Takahara -19 for Japan

Aussies did well to get to penalties given the humid conditions in sweaty ol' Hanoi (i sweated just walking to the toilet and back). Watched the game in a bar in Bangkok with a number of Japanese tourists who were quite polite but annoyingly loud at the end of the game. I now can dislike the Japanese for this as well as World War 2 and Tom Cruise's 'The Last Samurai'.


Major Japanese autocracies of the last 60 years

Am very sad

Thailand Vs Australia, Bangkok

Arrived in Bangkok for the Thailand versus Australia football game in the Asian Cup. Based camp near Khao Sahn (or however they choose to spell it) Road which is a haven for backpackers, drug addicts and tight arse travelers such as me. Had met the night before the game a couple of Sydney guys who were part of a larger group who had come to watch all the games in Bangkok. Had a couple of beers and agreed to meet them at the ground the next day. Woke up early (midday) and had usual meal of rice for breakfast (notice how expert I am with the chopsticks).


Druggie Street .............................................Spot the foreigner

Made my way to the football stadium by public transport. Bangkok has a very flash monorail train system called the Skytrain and by studying the map I found out where I needed to go. I had earlier gone to Siam Square which is the shopping district of the city and I discovered the National Stadium station was in fact only a stop away. But this is not the National Stadium that I assumed was the ground where the game was being played, I needed the Rajamangala National Stadium (a subtle difference, but it makes perfect sense to almost identically name the 2 major sporting venues in the city). I could use the Skytrain to get to one of the outer stations and then catch a bus to the ground. This was about 4 hours before the game started. Bangkok traffic is very congested and the local paper suggested that it would be a good idea to get to the ground early. This was wise advice because though I was told that the ground was around 40 minutes away the trip was a lot longer. The Skytrain portion of the trip was only about 10 minutes but the bus was a worrying 60 minutes. There is no organized official Asian Cup guides or directions you would expect to find at a major sporting event back home and the Thais have been criticized for their efforts of holding the event (couldn’t organize a piss up in a brewery). As I boarded the bus, that I wasn’t 100% convinced was going to get me to the ground, I was greeted by a bus conductor who told me that he has never had a "farang" (non-Thai or foreigner) on his bus before (not very comforting, but he laughed when he said it so I felt much better).


Skytrain (no use what so ever) .......................Moving death trap

After the ride through Bangkok traffic in the bus (that would make a handy gas chamber given the exhaust fumes) arrived at Rajamangala where the crowds were already gathering. This is Thailand’s version of the MCG complete with statues of sporting heroes (not sure of the below guys name but I think he was the national champion for shooting student demonstrators 3 years straight). Thais are mad English Premier League followers but have barely half-filled the seats at the earlier games the national team competed in. But as Thailand stood a good chance of progressing to the finals there was hope for a full house. Tickets ranged from about $4 to about $25 (bought a gold class $25/700baht ticket under the roof as I thought sitting with the taxi drivers who bought 100 baht tickets in the outer might get a little rough if the result went the wrong way for the locals).


Street vendors pounce.................................. Thakisn "Bang-Bang" Sirikirit

As I entered the grounds of the stadium I sighted small pockets of Aussie supporters and saw the group of Sydney lads who I had met the night before. They had been to the earlier games and knew that no alcohol was served in the stadium so were making up for it by sinking piss sold by street vendors. Thais think that all Australians are alcoholics and that all waking moments are spent consuming beer (this is, in fact, a correct assumption). With 3 hours to go till kick off the street vendors made a nice profit off the Aussie fans (mind you the Thais were getting pissed on straight whiskey). The Thailand football strip is red or blue but the vast majority of the crowed were wearing yellow shirts. "Were they supporting the Socceroos?" No, the Thais fanatically love their King and their wear yellow shirts to show their respect to him (this was a little confusing to pick who the to say "g'day mate" to). It became increasing unnerving as the crowd swelled with the noisy Thai buggers blowing their horns and chanting.


Australian Team warm up............................. Natives gathering

About an hour from kick off black clouds rolled in and it started to piss down Bangkok-style. Downed what I was drinking and headed through the police check point to get to our seats (these guys, in typical Thai fashion, are not very thorough and I could have smuggled in a tank for all the attention they were paying).


Upcoming shit storm.................................. Post 9/11 security

Entered the stadium where our seats were fortunately under the cover of the roof. Most of the fans sitting on the uncovered half were hiding under the stands to avoid the pelting rain. Photo below is a less then full shot of the outer of the Ragamangla and a shot of a slightly fuller me. Beer was having its effect and the nearest toilet was about four flights down (some of the water that started to fill up the ground may have been yellow). The Stadium seats about 40,000, comparable to the Telstra Dome in Melbourne for size and about the same as Victoria Park for facilities (current state). The boys from Sydney had smuggled some beer in despite the best efforts of the officers in brown which was only adding to my discomfort as I joined in the drinking to fit in (twisted my arm they did).


Not Full ..................................................................Full

The rain was still bucketing down ahead of kick off which, the drunk Sydney experts opinion was, beneficial to the Australian team who so far had played in hot and steamy conditions. No great expert myself I asked their thoughts on the Thailand team and what to expect. Little information was offered as most could not have told the difference between a Thai football player and Thai bar girl at this stage (guess who they would have been more familiar with??). The Thais had so far drawn with Iraq and beaten Oman and were headed for the finals if they could at least hold Australia to a draw. Hopes were high that the fast running, skillful Thais could outpace the physically bigger and experienced Australians (Note: all facts in this post that sound well researched were sourced from the Bangkok Post that I bought the next day. I had very little sober connection to the events that night).


Pissing down .................................Thai star striker - Dumbo

Kick-off and the game got underway. The crowd had settled in and the ground was pretty much packed. Thais are noisy buggers when they get together in a group and the chanting, horn blowing and drum beating didn't give up for most of the night. The rain gave way about 20 minutes into the game which made the contest and viewing much better. The Thais were very quick and seem to be intent on running the Aussies ragged. Compared to the bigger blokes in the team like Viduka and Emmerton, the Thais looked like kids (very fortunate that it wasn't an AFL or NRL game as the Thai would have been severely fucked).


Canary yellow dominated ...........................A more fitting opposition

Loud Thai Buggers

20 minutes in to the opening and Michael Beauchamp powered in and headed home a Luke Wilkshire free kick for the opening goal (Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oii, oi, oii!!). Shut the Thais up nicely and got the Aussie fans going. There were small pockets of Socceroo supporters around the ground and a large contingent of the Green and Gold Army opposite me in the outer. The illegal beer started to flow again in celebration of the goal which didn't really improve my condition (but what the heck).

Beauchamp 20' goal .......................................Carr 22' state of intoxication

From then on, it was backs to the wall for Australia (and swaying for me), as Thailand lifted the tempo and had Australia under enormous pressure. The Thai crowd started to lift again and really got into the game realising they only needed to score a goal to advance. Australia kept the Thais at bay, who were mainly forced to shoot from long range. The death blow came when 80 minutes in a (Timmy, Timmy, Timmy) Cahill cross to Viduka was chested and then blasted into the goal. Aussie fans were jubilant "Going to Hanoi, Going to Hanoi". The Sydney fans who conducted themselves with politeness and grace conveyed their pleasure at the goal and obvious coming victory by announcing to their fellow Thai fans "Screw you and your King". Cahill and Viduka repeated their success with another cross and header for a 3rd goal in the 84 minute.


Snow White and his favorite Dwarf.... Chivalrous Sydney fans with companions

On the 90th minute some bloke from Liverpool who claims to be Australian, unsighted most of the game as he sat on the bench to get away from the rain, slotted in the 4th and final goal and finished off the brave little Thais. The home fans were now streaming out of the stadium and some near me started to show the emotion of a loss and the unfortunate experience of having to sit near too many Australians with to much piss under their gut.


Kewell 90' minute ........................................Emotions get the better of local fan

Full time and a happy Australian team gave a lap of victory for the benefit of the fans on all side of the grounds. Despite the distance from the pitch you could smell the sweat the team had worked up (I think Bresicano went from a size M to an S with the amount of weight he lost perspiring). You could also tell from the pitch exactly how drunk I and others had gotten (Australian team doctor was sent up such was the concern).


Victory salute ............................................Hasselhoff level drunk at full time

Headed home in the dark happy at the result and effect of the drink. Dawned on me that I had no idea about getting home (returning by the way I came was impossible to find again). I started to sense a feeling of panic realising that here I was a drunk, obivious Austrlain fan wandering around in the dark amongest upset local fans (like General Custer at the last stand surrounded by the unsettled natives). Thankfully my newly aquired friends from Sydny had a bus going back to Khaosan and gave me a lift. Unfortunaly they had the bus stocked with after game beverages to celebrate the anticpaited victory. The ride to town was about an hour of drinking warm piss that had been sitting in a Thai bus all evening. Memories of the arrival are minimal but made it back to the hotel and awoke the next day to find I was alive. The last photo on my camera is the shot below (no idea where or when i was here, but here's the photo to prove i was there).


Fear in Bangkok ...............................................What-da-fuck???

Excellent day and a shocking hangover.

Fin.

Aussie Pride - Convict Past

Met two Danish female backpackers the other day (no, this is not the start of a draft letter to Penthouse) who are travelling around the world in their "gap" year between finishing university and starting work. Conversation was revolved around "where you from? what do you do? where are you going?" very typical traveller-like questions. From talking to the two, who spoke excellent English, them seemed very bright, intelligent 20-something year olds. They both had a well-rounded knowledge of the world as the talk headed to things like world events, culture and literature (this means, in order, the Paris Hilton imprisonment, a Danish band called "Mew" and the latest issue of Danish Vogue magazine...well rounded yes, deep no).

Danish backpackers (Author's impression)

The only thing I could offer to the conversation about Denmark was that their future Queen was an Australian (well at least a Tasmanian), Princess Mary. I know people from Tasmania who think she is a scrubber (unfair, but note, not my thoughts), so they will be pleased to know that the Danish chicks are of a similar mind. Tried to impress them with my knowledge of Iceland (background note - Iceland was a colony of Denmark and was populated by Danish settlers and my sister lived in Iceland where she had a baby, little Ester). Danes are as fond of Icelandics as Poms are as fond of Australians so I didn't impress them much.

Ester the Eskimo - Icelandic baby

The girls then started to ask questions about Australia as they admitted they would have liked to have gone there and had enquired about air flights to Perth. They asked was the country rich, did people have money (reply - just as rich as most places in Europe). They asked were their plenty of jobs (unemployment is low). They asked if it was safe, was their a lot of crime? I answered that it was pretty safe, much safer I imagine then a lot of places in Europe. This answer struck one of the girls with surprise and confusion reigned on her face. "Oh really" she said, "I always thought that Australia is where England sends all their criminals." Me "Yeah a very long time ago". Danish MENSA candidate "Don't they still send them".

It seems that Danes are of an opinion that Australia is still populated by convicts. Whether this is a rumor put about by gossiping Danish birds in attempt to slag off dear Princess Mary or a sad comment on the education system of Scandinavian countries (which must solely be limited to building Viking longboats and IKEA furniture) I do not know.

Crown Princess Mary of Denmark

(former Prisoner #81952, Port Arthur, Van Diemen's Land)

For the benefit of any Dane, Finn, Swede, Norwegians or Häagen-Dazs Ice Cream employees who may be reading this here is a quick guide to modern Australia:

Government: our government is led by the Prime Minister Carl Williams and his conservative party, the United Australia-Iron Chain Gang Coalition.

Defence - Australian troops are currently in combat in Iraq, Afghanistan and Broadmeadows (pictured is the 33rd Calvary Battalion of the Rebels).

Family Life - Australian families are typically tight knit enjoying many social engagements together such as picnics, sporting pursuits and armed robbery.

Fashion - Australians are fast becoming "cutting edge" in the world of fashion. Here are two models at Brisbane's 2007 Boggo Road Fashion Show.



Business - the Australian economy is booming. The richest Australian man is Jamie Packer. Here he is conducting business in his usual effective, direct style.

Architecture - One of the most famous buildings in Australia, if not the world, is the Sydney Opera House.

Medicine - Australian doctors are leading the field in successful IVF births as can be testified by Mr H. Bergler, proud father.

Innovation - One of the greatest innovations of Australian enterprise, the Glenrowan Bicycle Helmet.

Hopefully any prospective visitor can be assured of their safe passage in my home country.

Regards

Author

River Kwai - Part 2

Continued...

There are a number of plaques, sculptures and monuments that are placed around the Bridge either by foreign countries who participated in the war or the locals. Couple of my favorites: if you ever watched a World War 2 movie where the Yanks are the only ones fighting either the Gerrys or Japs, this is proof that its not only Hollywood producers that believe this take on history - the US plaque built by American veterans who pay tribute to the American soldiers who were interned by the Japanese, the Americans who built the Bridge/Railway and the Americans that perished during its construction (apparently the British, Dutch and Australian POWs were just hanging around).

There is a huge sculpture of the word “war” placed around the plaza near the Bridge. Next to this is another word sculpture (the green one), I wasn’t sure what it said and assumed it was written in the Thai alphabet “maybe the Thai word for war”. Being the thorough, informative tourist that I am I enquired with the tour operator what the word meant? He looked at me a bit confused and explained that it was the English word for “all” (maybe if I had taken the photo from the other side). These 2 plus a couple of others make up the phrase “all war is evil” (if they had placed the words in the correct order and face the same way I wouldn’t look like a tool).

This part of the Railway has a tourist train (the real Railway train comes later) that crosses the Bridge and back. As noted in earlier photos, you can walk along the Bridge. So when the train starts across the Bridge and you happen to be walking across it at the time you had better get out of the way as the train will just run right over you. The driver or someone on the train just yells at you (in Thai) to get the fuck out of the way as it is coming (as if the big yellow engine wasn’t warning enough). There are a number of sections on the Bridge that you can take refuge on, but if these are full then you are added to the toll of the Bridge. I took this photo and have passed it on the families of the people in the picture as a way for them to remember them.

A little journey from the Bridge took a ride on the Death Railway on the Death Train starting at the Death Station of Wang Pho. I purchased my Death Train-ticket and hoped upon a Death Carriage (nice shade of blue) and took a Death Train Seat next to a Death Train Window. The Death Train Conductor (who looked like he wouldn’t be out of place in the Imperial Army out of Star Wars) punched my Death Train-ticket Stub and oversaw my Death Security on the trip (mainly by smoking cigarettes and picking his nose). On my Death Voyage I was able to purchase a Death Can of Coca-Cola and a Death Cornetto Ice Cream.

During the trip you pass through the Thai country-side and you start to get an idea of how rough the going would have been trying to build the Railway. As you pass along the river and through the jungle you can see the atrocious physical conditions the POWs would have had to work under let alone being mistreated by their guards and during a time of war. It was done without any machines, entirely by hand which makes it astounding that it was achieved at all. You pass by campsites, caves and gullies which were used by the POWs to live in and treat their sick. There is the cave that the famous Australian medical officer Weary Dunlop operated on hundreds of men while working on the railway. The trip takes about 30 minutes taking you back to Kanchanaburi.

That night spent the night on a river boat beside the River Kwai. This looked to be a very tranquil setting at the end of a long day. But the place was invaded by mosquitoes and having read in the local paper about record levels of Dengue fever in Thailand meant that I became a prisoner of my room (that was a poor choice of an analogy considering the topic). The room was like a big wicker basket, felt like a snake. Chose to stay in rather then go out and explore the town as I was buggered. Watched TV which was all local Thai channels featuring solely soap operas. The action on these shows consists of the female characters performing the following in each episode: crying, talking to yourself, attacking and screaming another character (actually, much like most women).

Despite some pretty ordinary efforts to cash in on the tourist interest in the place, well worth the visit to such an significant historic place.

Fin.